Of blood stains and ghost girls

"Quick! Quick! Hide the knife!"
She ran around and buried it under the mountain of dishes in the sink
"Now what?" she demanded
"Now YOU get out! OUT" he spat
She went outside. But not out of his life

I come in through the door
Hesitating... Peeking through
Just in case he had someone else inside
No one. Coast is clear

"Coat off. Shoes off. Here's some hot chocolate"
I accept. Looking around. I love the new house
A modern version of our old one
I could stay here for forever. So I take my coat off, throw my shoes away and relax.

"Our house..." he smiles, coming closer to me
He puts his arms around me and snuggles closer
Near my bosom.
I look straight ahead. "Not... ready for this..." I croak

I see the blood stains on the white carpet on the floor
See her shadow moving steathily in the bushes outside
"Should I close the curtain?" he asks
"No, " I whisper, wanting the shadow girl to see
It's no fun pretending she's not there

"I want to go home," I say
"This is your home!" he begs.
Not anymore. There's ghosts all around
I shiver, look out the curtain
"I am going away. Find me when you are done cleaning the blood and have chased your ghost. OK?" I plead

I take my coat. My shoes. My dignity
I am leaving.
No doubt I'll come back
To the warm floors and cold meats
To those sweet words of his and his sour chicken
I'll come back. But ghost girl has got to go
She tried to kill me before. Those blood stains I see?
Mine. All mine. So I am leaving
But I'll be back

Yesterday

This is not aimed at anyone specific... Some things did happen, some I took from that place they call Le Imaginationland

I met a boy yesterday
I never saw his face
But I sure did see his heart
It was as pure as the tops of the Swiss Alps

I met a boy yesterday
I refused to speak to him
Then... something in his eyes danced
So I laughed and told him my name

I met a boy yesterday
Denied him the chance to laugh at me
Gave him reason to love me
But now... It is I who loves him. Fiercely

I met a boy yesterday
Actually this one I stole
Stole from my best friend
I lost her so I can't lose him as well

I met a boy yesterday
We walked, chattering about everything
Everything but us. Till our hands found each other
Then we walked in silence

I met a boy yesterday
Our bodies. They spoke
Writhing, entwined... They spoke of pain, love, hope, trust. Yet... no words were exchanged.
Then... everything exploded

I met a boy yesterday
He looked me in the eye
I looked away.
Tears filled mine. Hatred filled his

What I would want

I'd be lying
If I claimed to know
What you'd have wanted

Maybe you would have wanted me
To mourn your death till I die
Or maybe you would have wanted me
To sing your praises till the world ends
I don't know

But if I was dead...
Of course I'd want you to cry for me
Cry and cry and cry till their voices are hoarse and their eyes swollen
Because they miss me terribly
Because they know no one will ever be like me

But I would not want them to cry for forever
You see, soon son after... let's say my burial
I'd want people to laugh
To crack jokes in my honor

I'd want people
I'd want them to think
Think of how my brightness can shine within them
How I can live on in them
(Not as a ghost) More like a living memory

I'd want the lessons I learnt
To teach others as well
I'd like my words
To make you all laugh and nod as you finally 'get' what I meant

I'd want you to laugh in good faith
And soon afterwards vow solemnly never to let my good life go to waste
And to you my dear
I shall vow to smile

I don't know if
You'd have wanted me to smile through the tears
But I will
I lost you. Yes. But only physically
I will never be able to hear your voice
See your very very generous smile
Push you away from me when you say something annoying

Nevr again.
But I swear Emma I swear!
I can hear your voice
Your Rs which sound like Ls
Rlumbidzai. Not Rumbidzai.

I swear I swear Emma!
I can see you all suited up
Ready to knock our socks off with your speech
On Idea Fest... In assembly as you tell your story... A month before you die on Graduation day.

Make me laugh. Make me smile Emma
Just oncemore
I don't want to bash my head up against a wall
Asking, "Why? Why?"
demanding answers to questions no one can answer
Because that's not what I would have wanted you to do
Had I travelled some light years away from you

The tears are here.
The pain is making itself even more present
But this sense of loss... no Emma, I can't let it rob me Emma
Rob me of your goodness. Your pureness... Your whiteness... Your blackness

No duobt your death is a loss
A great friend, brother, son...
Never will I be able to see little Emmanuels running across the fields of your hometown
Never will I see your feet clad in those brown shoes you loved to wear
Those red shorts you wore for basketball?

But even though you leave a gaping hole in my heart
I won't try and fill it with anyone else
Or anything else.
I shall fill it with joy and laughter
And seal it with your name and smile
When I need inspiration or times are tough
My tough mind will know which door in my heart to open
The one labelled Emma. Mani. Emmanuel Manirakiza.

I swear in my head
You live on

For Reed- I Remember You

 

I want to remember you
Remember you with a big smile on my face
Remember you with a laugh
To ruminate on your inspirational story and character

I want to remember you
But not like this
Not with these tears of sorrow streaming down my face
Not with the hollow, empty and dark feeling which consumes me when I think of you
Mopping up all my joy and light

I want to remember you my friend
For your bravery
You faced bullets and great losses
Yet, you still managed to light up my world

I want... I NEED to remember you
Not for what or who you could have been
Not for what you could have done
But for who you were
For who I will be.

Rest in eternal peace Emmanuel